As usual, your putrid little life (and sunny vacation) will come to an abrupt end on Monday. As depressing as that is, the clairvoyance at FringeFamous.com has given you an outlook on life that you otherwise may not have had. Now that the decision has been made to see one show per day until you meet your maker, these are the 4 shows (according to us) that will give you the best chance at a peaceful crossover to the other side.

THURSDAY — Titus

How can you not start the final weekend of your life by seeing an all-female retelling of Titus Andronicus? The answer…you can’t. According to Swearing Jack Productions, this show will feature bloody special effects, fire performers, and Siamese twins. And if this plays out the way I’m imagining it, they’ll all be making out with each other. 7:30pm in the Southside Family Charter School parking lot in Minneapolis. Be there or be gay…or like most of you, be there and be gay.

FRIDAY — The Robber Bridegroom

Allow Minneapolis Musical Theatre to entertain you on your final Friday night. This toe-tapping musical features some of TC’s best including Karen Wiese-Thompson, Carl Schoenborn, Patrick Morgan, and there’s even a little something called Jessica Nievinski for those who love to laugh and urinate at the exact same time. 7:30pm at Hennepin Stages.

SATURDAY — The Play My Mother Hates

BLB will provide the shelter for this Swandive Theatre production. I’ll admit right now that I know nothing about the company or the production. All I know is that the show starts at 7pm and I like the title. That’s all I need.

SUNDAY — SADGRRL13

Okay, as I’ve said many times in the past, theatre should just not happen on Sunday. It sucks. It just does, okay? However…if you must go see a show on Sunday (and in this scenario, you must), I would most definitely make my way over to the Playwrights’ Center at 8pm. The Workhaus Collective has put together a show that looks very interesting. But keep in mind that it’s about the Internets…so don’t bring your grandma ’cause she can’t even turn on the television without pooping her pants.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: The Wonder Bread Years at Chan. Nothing funny to say about that.