Guess what. You recently got news that you have this…and you’ll be dead by Monday. Have fun with these, the final 4 shows of your pathetic little life (according to us).

THURSDAY — Bulrusher

The Pillsbury House Theatre is consistently great and this play was a finalist for the 2007 Pulitzer. Throw in a stellar cast, an Obie-award-winning director, and the fact that you’re not that smart to begin with, and this is a can’t-miss. Be there at 7:30.

FRIDAY – Short Stuff: A Night of Short Plays

At 7:30, you should make your way over to Yellow Tree Theatre. Why? Because the theatre is good and you’ll get to visit Osseo. Okay…but the theatre is good.

SATURDAY — Mom’s the Word

For your final Saturday on planet Earth, you might as well go see this Actors Theater of Minnesota production at the Lowry Theatre in St. Paul. One word: nudity. And naked was invented for Saturday nights.

SUNDAY — Real Women Have Curves

After witnessing it first-hand on Saturday night, you might as well go see the 2pm performance of Real Women Have Curves over at the Wellstone Memorial Center. The show is being produced by Teatro del Pueblo, which means theater of the town.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Forever Plaid at the Old Log. I think we’re almost out of people old enough to get the jokes in this show. Fingers crossed, they’ll all be dead very soon.